White Butterfly‘s Blog

White Butterfly

White Butterfly

My name is White Butterfly,
because I've become a butterfly now that I'm dead.
Allow me to change into a beautiful white butterfly, after I've died.
I'm living far away yet near to you.
You may find me near by you.
I'm lonely. Being alone is lonely.
I'm scared Being alone is scary.
I want a friend. I had a friend who was always with me.
Are you gonna be my friend?
I'm lonely.
I'm fading away because I'm too lonely.

I don't have any hope for my future.
My father raped me and then my mother killed me on September 3rd, 2011.
Please check the news paper on that day, if you don't believe me.
This fact must have become big news as I was murdered in Gagtown.
I was a student in a stupid high school.
I didn't really care about my life when I was alive, but I was actually happy that there were days that I could laugh.
My father was a short tempered and didn't talk much.
I wasn't talking to him since I was a junior high school student because he was kind of creepy.
When I had something to say to him, I just let my mother tell him my message. Something like that.
My father often hit my mother.
She was quietly crying.
I told her to report it to the police, but I ended up doing nothing and just watched them as a daily scene from our family.
I considered my father as the scum of society and my mother as a miserable woman.
One day, my father came home super drunk.
What a horrible smell. I bet he threw up after drinking too much.
I couldn't stand being in the same room as him. I left the room and told my mother, "Dad really stinks. Do something, like bath that thing or something" I think.
After a while, my father came into my room without knocking.
His face was red with rage.
Without a word, he swing his fists and hit me strongly in the face.
It hurts, it really hurts!!
My cheekbone might be broken or my eyes were smashed.
Either way, I crouched there in pain that felt like my face is broken.
As he violently pulled my hair with enormous force, I felt that there's no way that I can run away from him, absolutely no way.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?!!"
"Calling your father thing, oh how important you are!!!"
While he was shouting at me, he hit my face against the wall again and again.
My vision is getting blurry with my tears, and...
A stabbing pain ran from the farthest back of my nose towards my head, as my nose became smashed in.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I was apologizing as I was crying in fear and with panic.
After countless punches, kicks, swearing, and falling to the ground my sobbing didn't even allow me to say "sorry".
Being frightened to death of him, every movement he did made me flinch.
I thought it will finally be over because he stopped shouting and punching me.
But, without saying anything, he put his hand on my clothes.
He tried to take off my shirt.
I resisted with my both of my hands because I didn't understand what he was doing at all.
He slapped my face with full force.
"Ouch! It hurts! Dad, stop it! Why are you doing such a..."
Another strong hit.
"It hurts!!"
"Shut up."
Then he started taking off my shirt again.
At this point, I couldn't even resist him anymore.
He kissed me with his stink, an awful smell, his gross hands crawl all over my body and then did the worst thing to me.
I felt like my heart died. I found myself calmly watching my father who was moving his body on top of me.
It hurts, it's dirty, stinky, gross, painful, I'm sad, and I want to die. There I was thinking those things calmly.
Then, the door opened and my mother came in with a hunting gun in her hand.
It was my grandfather's gun, I think.
She held her gun at the ready, targeting the back of my father who was on the top of me.
I thought I was saved.
Shattering sounds echoed.
As I heard the sounds, a sharp and burning pain ran over my body. I lost consciousness and then died.
I bet my father also died.
I don't understand. I can't forgive them.
Why did I need to die?
Why did I have to go through such a terrible experience?
Why do you get to live without going through a terrible experience like I had?
I hate it.
I hate you with your happy life.
I'm sad when I'm alone.
You should come to where I am.
You should die now and come to where I am.

Fuck I'm not gonna fake myself anymore, I'm just gonna let my feelings out.

You should die.

Isn't it better to die quickly rather than suffering as you die?

Let me kill you know.

Do you feel better now knowing that you will be killed quickly?

Did you feel a shiver?

Now your soul and mine have been joined because you've read this story until the end.

I'm gonna kill you.